So for a very long time now I have been fighting this in my head. I have been struggling with this addiction for years. It in many ways directs my life. I make decisions based around this addiction. In years past I devoted seven or eight hours a day to this addiction. It consumed my life. God brought it to my attention that I had a problem. He told me to quit it. I tried to reason with Him by reducing my consumption. I told Him that it wouldn't be that bad if I didn't use so much of my time for my addiction. So, in an effort to appease God I reduced my usage back to only a couple of hours a day. Still, a couple of wasted hours each day is a lot combined. So, I reasoned with God again with all the positives of my addiction. The high points of how it was helping me while ignoring all the points where I was choosing it over Him. So maybe you know me well and have figured out my problem. If you don't then you should know that I am addicted to Facebook.
I can see you shaking your head at me thinking THAT is not a serious problem. Well, for me, it has been for so long. It started back in high school when I was not the outgoing social butterfly that I am now. I went to school, did my homework, read books and played computer games - usually the ones on Facebook where you compete with your friends. I was the QUEEN of Farm Town - not Farmville, but the original-Farm Town. I also mastered most of the "Tycoon" games among others sadly. I remember one point where I had to go out of town for five days and being so utterly distressed about my virtual crops dying in my absence. Don't make fun of me for being honest, OK? That was probably four years ago when I began to feel the first nudgings from God that I needed to stop this. I just stopped playing the games. That should make Him happy. As my friend list grew and grew as I met more and more people, I needed longer and longer time to keep up with them all. I did know them all; at least I wasn't adding random people I didn't know. Then, this continued on for several years. Then, last summer, I was feeling more and more convicted by God so I decided to go on a friend purge. I had over 2200 friends. I deleted 1500 people! So, I thought this would make me feel better. It didn't. So, now I am finally ready to relinquish control of this whole thing and just stay off until He tells me that I can have it back.
I for so long have been unwilling to let God have His way with this part of my life, but no longer. I look forward to the free time that I will have to spend with the Father, my friends, for school, reading, writing, and lots of adventures. So, if you want to talk to me, then text me. If you don't have my number, then email me your number : jessicaspaid@gmail.com
So, friends, let's hang out face to face not just on Facebook.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I am very confused.
I do not pretend to be a logical person. I do not understand very much about anything. I cannot actively recall too much information. I do not know what goes on inside my brain. I have even been to a psychologist before who struggled to figure out what was going on my noggin.
I can tell you this. I usually do not meditate on things very long. This is likely due to my ADHD/ADD whatever syndrome. When I say something, it has usually just occurred to me and often not to return. This phenomena came to my awareness when I was talking to one of my friends. She was going through a hard time and wanted somebody to listen and to give advice. I was a little puzzled why she thought me to be a worthy subject but there I was. So, I listened. And since I have been feeling convicted on being in conversations and listening only for the intent of having a response such that I wasn't paying full attention to them, I decided to set all things aside and when she was talking, I listened. Then, at the end of the story I heard myself begin to speak. I heard the words seemingly for the first time as if I was hearing them from someone else. Yet they were coming from my own mouth. Shouldn't I know what I was saying? It was so bizarre that I was hearing words as if listening to another person talk yet they were coming from my mouth. They were not my thoughts. So, where did they come from? I believe that since the words were uplifting and edifying to another believer that it couldn't be denied of their divine origin.
I have seen this situation repeated several other times and I have never gotten over it. I do not understand it.
There is much that I don't understand about myself, my world and my God. I feel like I am in a perpetual confusion. Now, I must analyze do I find myself feeling lost in a paralyzing vortex of overwhelming chaos due to the confusion or due I trust that my God, my Father, knows all things and has them working for my best interest? Again, I don't know.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 ESV
I can tell you this. I usually do not meditate on things very long. This is likely due to my ADHD/ADD whatever syndrome. When I say something, it has usually just occurred to me and often not to return. This phenomena came to my awareness when I was talking to one of my friends. She was going through a hard time and wanted somebody to listen and to give advice. I was a little puzzled why she thought me to be a worthy subject but there I was. So, I listened. And since I have been feeling convicted on being in conversations and listening only for the intent of having a response such that I wasn't paying full attention to them, I decided to set all things aside and when she was talking, I listened. Then, at the end of the story I heard myself begin to speak. I heard the words seemingly for the first time as if I was hearing them from someone else. Yet they were coming from my own mouth. Shouldn't I know what I was saying? It was so bizarre that I was hearing words as if listening to another person talk yet they were coming from my mouth. They were not my thoughts. So, where did they come from? I believe that since the words were uplifting and edifying to another believer that it couldn't be denied of their divine origin.
I have seen this situation repeated several other times and I have never gotten over it. I do not understand it.
There is much that I don't understand about myself, my world and my God. I feel like I am in a perpetual confusion. Now, I must analyze do I find myself feeling lost in a paralyzing vortex of overwhelming chaos due to the confusion or due I trust that my God, my Father, knows all things and has them working for my best interest? Again, I don't know.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 ESV
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