What Kind of Christian Do You Think I Am?!?

Whenever I am going through a hard time, I have my list of people that I can call to help me figure out what is going on. I of course call my mom and my dad, my sister too. I have my friends, church elders and the pastor and his wife. This is not an exclusive list. To be honest, if I am desperate enough, I would probably get the opinion of just about anyone. I am known to be a friendly person. In fact, when I was in eighth grade, I was voted Most Likely to Make a Friend While Standing in Line. It's true. As the years have passed since I was in eighth grade, I have learned a little bit about keeping my mouth shut. The operative phrase being "a little bit."
I still have a problem though with going to my friends for advice. Now, you might be thinking, what's wrong with asking for advice? Doesn't the Bible say "the wise listen to advice"? (Proverbs 12:15) Well, yes, it does. But who are you asking? Are they Christians? Because if they aren't then they don't have the same operating guidelines that you do. Even at that, Christians are still people. They make mistakes. Even as much as we may try to keep that part of our lives covered up, we are not perfect. Not even close.

Fortunately, whenever I ask my family or friends for advice, I most often get one or both of these responses: "Have you prayed about it?" or "Have you read what the Bible says about that?"
I might respond with "well yeah of course." But in my head I am screaming "WHAT KIND OF CHRISTIAN DO YOU THINK I AM?" How could they insinuate that I am anything but diligent in my Christian tasks? I am offended. My pride has taken a hit. What really going on is that I feel convicted. I really haven't been praying about it. I really haven't been reading my Bible. It's infuriating that I get this cookie cutter Sunday School response. But after a moment the truth settles in. My life may not be perfect when I am reading my Bible or praying all the time, but it sure is a lot more peaceful. There is a better perspective on things that minimizes worries and doubts.
This is because all of the answers that you would ever need are already here. They are written down in His Holy Word. He is a confidante in our prayers. He can be that source of peace, joy, and love that we are all looking for in all the wrong places.

At the end of the day, I am happy I am offended. I am happy to be convicted of where I am lacking. It is a testament of my true existence as a child of God. If I weren't bothered by their questions, then it would indicate a lack of care for the things of God. My friends aren't saying that I am being punished for my lack of obedience. They are just reminding me that I already have access to the answers I seek. This is what good Christian friends should be doing. This is not to say that advice from our friends should not be valued, rather we should make sure it is ranked with the proper importance.
Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves a son or a daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.  Matthew 10:37-39

Run Like the Wind

I would consider myself to be a dreamer in almost every sense of the word. Daydreams, night dreams, and life dreams are all something I greatly value and frequently experience. I have heard many times that a person's dreams reveal their innermost thoughts. Others have said that dreams are a time for problem solving. There are many other views on the topic.

I am not sure what I believe, but I do know that often mine make for very entertaining stories to my friends. Out of the nighttime dreams that I remember, I would venture to say that eighty percent of them (after all 96.238% of statistics are made up) are dreams where I am running frantically away from something. I have been chased by grizzly bears, angry mobs and most frequently by policemen. I don't really understand the last part since I have never done anything to warrant such a chase. The dreams always start when I am already running. The peril had already sank its teeth into my mind and I am running way better than I can in real life. This brings up another note; I am a particularly terrible runner.

I say all of this to explain my dream from last night. As the story opened, I was at the starting line of a race. I didn't know what kind of race or where it went, but I was struck with the overwhelming nausea that always preludes me when I undertake any kind of physical competition. The starting gun goes off figuratively and I take off to the first room of the race. I have to solve puzzles and I get through the first few okay but I know I am losing. I look around for an exit. I want to quit but just as I decide I am done, a girl comes up beside me and starts helping me. We  go through room after room of puzzles which are connected by lab rat esque maze. Sometimes there are arrows directly out side of the door that point to the next direction and other times I had to run a little ways before I saw the confirmation of the next sign's arrow. The girl never told me her name, I somehow just knew it was Jessica which is my name. She didn't look like any other Jessica I know and she didn't really look like me either. I just knew that was her name.

At some point, we finish the maze and Jessica tells me we have to swim in the river for the next part. It was a pretty normal sized river. It was that awkward depth where you don't know if it is faster to swim or walk through it. I am not a great swimmer but I am better at it than running. I swam with all my might and the river fluctuated depths and currents. At some points, I had to haul my soggy self to my feet and try to not fall down as I navigate the pebbly bottom as fast as I could. I still didn't know how I came to be in this race or why I even cared to try my best in it. It was until I got to the place where we had to get out of the river that I saw anyone else. There was a pair of young men who were just finishing a puzzle on the riverbank. I had watched them as best I could and tried to mimic their success. Soon, Jessica and I were off to a never ending sprint down a dirt road in a forest. I had felt so successful but not really challenged during the swimming portion but I felt as if all of that pent up struggle hit me all at one time on that desolate, slightly curving road. I began to whine to Jessica. "I can't do this any longer!" "Being alone in the maze was easier than this!"

It was then that she dragged my hand and pulled me onward like a husky might pull a sled. We reached the next portion of river and I was happy to take a cannonball into the flowing water. We swam and ran through varying parts of the track. The guys were always right there. The further we went the more you could tell one was the helper and one was the racer, but I got the feeling that they had been partners for longer than  my helper had been with me. It was an oddly inspiring thought. Finally we broke through the forest and the hum of a distant crowd became apparent. I knew this was not a time to slow down though I felt like I deserved it. Soon, I saw a great fence and little gate. The crowd and excitement were coming from inside the fence. All of a sudden we were upon the gate and all four of us rushed through at the same time. The race was over and I felt like I had won. It was an intensely wonderful feeling. My dream ended here.

As I was drifting in and out of consciousness pondering the dream as the morning light peeked through the slats of my window blinds, I was struck with potential allegory of the dream. I remembered that this was the first dream where I was running toward something and not away. I knew that I could not bear to forget this dream. I hazily typed it into my phone and vowed to add it to my blog later. Now, that I have had more time to think about all the possible meanings of the dream, I cannot remove myself from thinking it as a metaphor for life.

The Bible tells us that we are to run our lives as if it is a race in Philippians 3.

12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

17 Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. 18 For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body,by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

Now, I will not get into the discussion about whether my helper Jessica was God and the business her being female, whether she was an angel or whether she is a discipler in my life. I will draw the line to exclude those ponderings. A few things do stick out. 

I couldn't run the race on my own.

I can learn and benefit from fellow racers. 

There will be times that I am more suited for than others but each must be completed to attain the end goal. 

There is a great sense of urgency in completing the race. 

However, the thought that shines the most brightly is that the race is worth the struggle.