I am not made out of Jello.

I want to be different than everyone else.

Everyone has told me for years that I AM different than everyone else. However, I always took it as an insult. Growing up I had always thought that to be a beautiful woman, a good daughter or friend, or even a worthy follower of Christ, I needed to do things a certain way in order to attain value in that category.

The first thing I realized to break into this mold theory was when I realized that relationships whether they be with family or friends didn’t all have to happen a certain way. I know it seems silly, but it wasn’t until middle school until I realized this and high school I fully grasped that people show and feel love in different ways. Relationships being of course about loving others therefore had to be malleable to those who were in the relationship. To be a good friend or family member you love others in the way that they most feel loved. So first crack in the mold.

The next thing I realized was that to worship I did not have to do the same thing that everyone else did. That was a lot harder to realize than the first point. When I was in middle school and beginning of high school, some influential people in my life had told me that raising your hands in worship was the way to worship during praise and worship time at church. So, while this didn’t seem that right because I could look to my parents and other people and see that this wasn’t the case with them, I still left with the feeling that I wasn’t worshipping God right. I knew that you didn’t need works to be saved. However, I didn’t connect that line of thought to worship as well. I wanted to be sure I was doing it right. I wanted to praise God the right way. Then, one day I was on this mission trip, and the leader guy was praying for the people in the circle and when he came to me I remember him thanking God for my smile. He told God that in my smile and laughter, he could see God glorified. Wow! I am still blown away by that prayer over three years later. It hit me that praise and worship of Christ is when God is glorified. So we can do that through music, admiring God’s limitless beautiful creations, or by simply smiling. Among a whole host of other things of course! I could praise my Savior anyway that could bring glory to him. The crack widened once again.

Then to the other matter which I alluded to in the first paragraph: beauty. As a proponent of honesty and that my story doesn’t belong just to me, I will tell you that this has been my area of greatest struggle. Despite the outgoing and sometimes over-the-top person that I am, I actually have a decent amount of fears. (I don’t like to admit that I do. You see there is my pride.) Some of them are silly like balloons and frogs. I have always been in constant battle with myself really with concern to self-image. I let other people real or photoshopped, friend or stranger, shape what I should look like. I have always had such an anxiety in this respect and it is probably the reason why I hate shopping. (That and I don’t like spending money on myself.)

I remember a distinct point where I was standing in the mall. My mom and sister had convinced me to go shopping because over half of my closet is dominated by Tshirts (ROY G BIV organized of course!). I had picked out different stuff and I would ask my mom if she liked it and she would reflect it back to if I liked it. So, that wasn’t help because what I really wanted was other people to like, not necessarily for me to like it. So, I asked my sister for her approval. I thought that this would be a great person to ask because she is absolutely beautiful and always looks great. The ideal look she had for me was not matching up with what I had picked out.

Then I realized that I had been relying on this opinion for years. I had spent years comparing myself to others especially my little sister for years. I remember standing in that mall and telling my mom, “I want to curl my hair!” It wasn't that I really was that passionate about curly hair, it was just that my sister never wears her hair curly. It is ALWAYS straight. I had realized that I had been trying to look like her for years. I ultimately always failed because I was not her. God made me to be me not anyone else. 

Then I realized how I could incorporate this into the rest of my life. I am created the way that I am and I can either choose to glorify God or to forsake all the promises he has given. I am not made of Jello. I am not bound to a mold. I don’t have to wobble in my God-given beliefs when the world pokes and prods me otherwise. I can truly take my uniqueness that I had originally thought ill of and rejoice in it. I want to be different not because then I won't be like anyone else. I want to be different because I am. God made me that way.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  2 Corinthians 3:17

Upcoming God Glorifying Adventures

It’s that time of year again! You might be like yes you’re right, I love football. Or maybe you are like YES! it’s finally cooling down. But I am not referring to either one of those fabulous events! What I am excited about is RIDE FOR CHRIST!!!!

You may not know what Ride for Christ is, so I will let you in on the fantastic secret. Ride for Christ is a ministry and also a fundraiser that I will be a part of for the second year in a row at the Baptist Collegiate Ministries at the University of Georgia. What happens is a bunch of crazy college kids and some crazy adults ride bikes from Athens to Jacksonville. 300 miles in 30 HOURS!! Crazy I tell you! So what happens is that everyone that goes on the trip raises money for the summer missions opportunities that the collegians do in the summer. The students in the collegiate ministries this past summer went to many different places: there was a trip to the the closed country of China, some worked at Baptist conference centers such as Glorieta in New Mexico and Ridgecrest in North Carolina, while other went on medical mission trips to Haiti, Mexico and Africa. I personally worked in HOuston, Texas as a summer missionary. So throughout the year the BCM (formerly the BSU) raises money so that these summer missionaries can go spread the good news of Christ. Ride for Christ is our main fundraiser of the year.

Last year, as a freshman I was able to be a part of this ministry. It was my favorite thing that happened all year. Not being of the athletic variety, I did not ride a bicycle on any of the fifteen or so “legs” that the 300 miles were broken into. I stood on the side of the road and at pit stops encouraging and cheering for those that did ride. Five people last year rode the entire 300 miles in 30 hours! How inspiring! So this year, I have decided that I will ride my bike for at least a tiny part of the way. I am really excited to raise money for a cause that is so dear to my heart while also conquering many fears about attempting an athletic feat.

So I ask you to join with me as a part of this ministry especially in prayer. I ask you to pray that people will be giving to support missions around the world and in our backyards. I ask you to pray for the safety of the students as we head to Jacksonville starting Thursday morning October 27, 2011 and arriving in Jacksonville late Friday afternoon October 28, 2011. And also please pray that as this money is put to its purpose on different missions that God will be glorified all over the globe because of UGA BCM students being faithful to God’s will in their life.

Here are a few pictures from last year! Thank you to Duane Jurma who is by far the best photographer I know. 

Riding through a line of encouragersThere were plenty of people who drove cars that carried encouragers, luggage, extra bikes and bike equipment, not to mention all of those snacks!Lunch break!Nap time at breakfast on the second day. The breakfast was lovingly cooked by Waycross First Baptist!! Both Eric and Daniel rode the entire way!Jenna going strong on Friday afternoon!Late night pit stop! Ben and Ethan both rode the whole way!We made it!!! To God be the Glory!!

My Daddy

My daddy is my favorite man in the whole world. 

The first thing that sticks out to me in this picture is how tall we are. If you know me then you will know that I am a rather tall person. In this picture I even have 3-3.5 inch heels on. Yet my daddy is still taller. 

The second thing that sticks out is that we are standing in a garden. How appropriate. A love for plants and agriculture is a love that both my daddy and I share. 

My daddy and I have been pretty close for a while. He is who I call when that strange light comes on in my car. A lot of the time he knows what is going on with my car by my uninformed descriptions that include sound effects and lots of "thingies." 

One of my favorite memories of a time with him was when one day  I told him how I wanted to make a trail in the woods. He went and got a machete and we did just that. He had other things to do but decided that time with me was more important. It is something I will never forget. There was all the times that he took us camping, or boating, or skiing, or all those livestock shows. 

My daddy is also a very hard working man. He is a full-time faculty member of the University of Georgia where he helps homeowners and farmers solve various problems. He is also on the Metter Fire Department where he is a fireman and a first responder. He is also the sound man at Metter First Baptist Church where he is also a deacon. He is also a farmer. The man never stops working.

He has shown me that I am worthy of respect and love. He has never let me settle for anything less than my best. He also doesn't let me get swept away with accolades; he keeps me grounded.

So I will end with things that my daddy is really good at:

• fixing things whether they be auto, electrical, wood, etc.
• big bear hugs
• giving advice
• driving things
• farming and such activities
• being respected and respectable
• doing things right the first time
• discerning situations
• mathmatical and science things
• being committed

My Moma

My moma is really awesome. 

Yeah we look a lot alike. You should see us when we both wear our glasses! A lot of people in my moma's side of the family call me Pat Jr. At least they don't call me PJ!! haha. People that haven't seen me in ten or fifteen years know instantly who I am. 

Ok, so to tell the real story here. My moma has been there for me so many times. And I haven't always been that grateful. She was there when I came home from a mission trip with a concussion and didn't get out of bed for five days and didn't get completely well for   five or six months. She was there during my first months of living on my own when I called her with silly cooking questions. She was there when I had a meltdown at a UGA football game and she missed a whole half of the game. I remember asking her why she was doing that. It wasn't fair I told her. She was missing the game. I didn't understand. Why was I worthy of her attention? She told me "Baby, I am a mother." Such simple words. They weren't bitter. They weren't forced. They just flowed. It wasn't that she was excited to take care of me during those times. I am sure she had more fun things to be doing. However, I think I will always remember those words. I sit here about to tear up thinking about it.  She loved me. And that's what people did who loved each other. They sacrificed things to serve others. It was such a sobering thought. I know that one day should the Lord bless me with children myself then I will be in the same situation. My babies will need help and I will do it because I love them. At nearly twenty, I am still a baby in many ways in need of a lot of help from my mother. 

So I want to end with some skills that my moma is really good at:

• finding things in my room that I have lost
• cooking things in a crock pot
• baking casseroles
• making sure I don't settle for a halfway job
• telling me I am beautiful and worthy of love
• making me feel like its okay to live outside the box
• reminding me that Jesus has it all worked out in the end when I come to her in tears about whatever is going on. 
• teaching and dealing with kids with Special Needs <3
• a lot more

Going to the 3D Narnia movie - she doesnt get embarrassed when I do crazy things in public..

My Family

I wanted to start a series about my family. I think they are really awesome. I haven't been as thankful for them as I should be. I guess that is part of growing up though. I hope that I can honor them more with my actions than I do with my words. Because as much flowery and awesome things I tell you about them and why they are awesome, it means nothing if I don't act on those convictions. So that is my prayer as I write this series. I want to honor these people as they should be not only because of their value in the eyes of God, but also because they are very special to me. 

My Savior, My Provider

This was the shirt I was wearing today. This was the shirt that I wore every Wednesday I worked in Houston this summer. This year at the Mission Centers of Houston, the theme was "What If?" It was broken down into three sub-categories: what if served others? what if we loved people? what if we believed God? I remember when I heard them the first time I thought, "Oh that's nice." But when our executive director, Miss Ginger Smith (she is awesome), broke it down for us I had a distinctly more profound reaction. This "WOAH!" reaction was amplified even more this past week.

I sat in my room at my apartment at the end of last week wondering what I was going to do. I sat staring at my online bank account subtracting the bills I had to pay. I was going to be left with forty dollars, an empty gas tank and an empty refrigerator. So, me being me began to run thousands of possibilities through my head wondering how I was going to eat. How was I going to get to school or work for that matter? Let's not sugarcoat it; I was freaking out. 

I realized in that moment that I wasn't going to make it another month on my own. I needed help. I clunked my elbows on my desk and dropped my head into my hands and wondered how I was going to get out of this mess. I knew I needed help but I didn't want to ask anyone. I had this epiphany. Maybe I can just make a list of my grocery needs and then rank them. Then, I will set a limit for how much money I will spend and see how far down the list I can go. Sounded like a reasonable plan. Then I saw how much different things cost. I wasn't going to get very far. My plan was failing. So, I called my mom. She told me that she could bring me some stuff that was on the list that she had at the house. I was really happy. I realized though that I couldn't depend on my mom every month for the rest of college or my life for that matter. Eventually this plan I knew would fail too. 

I sank my head back into my hands and ran out of thoughts. Then, some little inaudible voice spoke. "Do you not believe I will take care of you?" I immediately thought of this red MCH tshirt. What if we believed God? It doesn't say what if we believed IN God. It asks if we believe God. That means believing His Word, His promises, and all else that comes with Him. So I was reminded of this verse:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26 TNIV

How many times have I heard that verse but never thought about how I could actually use it my life! However, I am so glad that I had it stored away in the far reaches of my brain that it could bring me comfort in a time of minor despair! On a little side note, that is why it is so important to memorize Scripture. 

The end of the story is that my Mom brought me a lot of food already made for me to eat along with other things that I needed but couldn't buy. I hadn't even told my aunt and uncle about my needs when I visited them yesterday but they decided to take me grocery shopping for whatever I needed! Now that I have a lot of the staples for my kitchen, it will be a lot shorter of a grocery list in the future!

It is so incredible to be blessed by God after laying down my pride and admitting I couldn't do it on my own. His blessings are so rich as they pour down like rain from above.