Thinking Before You Speak

What a title! If anyone knows me then they would know that I love to talk. I think by talking. However, this often gets me either into really awkward but funny situations or into situations where I offended someone. Usually, if I think something it will come out of my mouth. If I think that I like your shirt, pants, or just that you look pretty or handsome then that thought will almost always be vocalized. It is very fortunate then that I am usually a positive upbeat person. I imagine that I would be quite the hated person if I were to be always pointing out the errors I see which I do slip and do that occasionally. Luckily that's not the norm.
Nonetheless, I have not learned the whole think before you speak concept. However, it is so valuable. I cannot count the times that I have thought of something later that would have been better to say if I hadn't just spouted off something. Furthermore, how many times I wish that I had just said nothing. The thing that I have realized is that usually the more that a person talks the less you listen to them. This happens to me rather often. I will be telling this story that I think is super interesting and then I realize not only are people not listening they are talking to each other! This is slightly offensive, but I think the real problem is me. Was it really something worth telling? I mean if no one listens to a little story that isn't really that important in the grand scheme of things the only thing that it is going to hurt is my pride. So not really a big deal. I think the real problem here is when I do have something important to say for instance something that was revealed to me either through Scripture or quiet time with God, no one is going to listen to that either. Now, that is going to hurt a lot of things. That is a big deal.
For a long time I never understood the concept of quiet time. If you know me and didn't realize it in the previous paragraph, I am not a quiet person. I am actually rather loud. I laugh loudly, talk loudly, and am a terrible whisperer. I always talk using my hands and generally wave my whole arms around when I gesture. Usually, I end up hitting someone or knocking something over. I also can trip over a cordless phone. So you get the picture: Jessica is not a quiet person. So, why in the world being the extreme extrovert that I am want to sit alone and be quiet? That made absolutely no sense to me. Was I supposed to stare at the ceiling or maybe sit in a tree? I had no idea and when I would ask the question to someone, the reply would always be: sit still and think and pray. Huh? Being ADD, that was not something that I wanted to do. When I was a kid my parents made me go to my room and be by myself. I was supposed to be in there not doing anything and when they came and checked on me I couldn't be found reading a book or something like that. This quiet time described always sounded a lot like this isolation punishment. Now, I don't think my parents had the wrong idea in discipline and this wasn't their main method either. I think that they knew something about me that I couldn't stand: being alone with no one to talk to. So often during this time I would tell myself stories out loud. Go ahead, judge me. I talked to myself and had imaginary friends/characters.
So back to the point, I was talking to Jennifer (my small group leader) one day about how when I wrote blogs, I felt like I understood more about what I believed. I could start seeing connections between sermons, things I read, and general conversation. She pointed out to me that when I took the time to write out what I was thinking about especially when I thought about it for several days in advance like I do with my blogs, that  I was meditating. This meditation took moments of quiet time. It was like a light bulb went off in my head! Ding, ding, ding! The reason I had never found quiet time appealing was because I was trying to do it just like everyone else or how "normal people" do quiet time. So by writing out what I was thinking it was kind of like talking. I could think through things by getting it out of the swirly vortex of thoughts in my mind.
So, with the thought that not everything I think needs to be published for the whole world to see just like I don't need to say  everything that pops into my head, I took up journaling. I have really enjoyed learning how to make my faith into just that: MY faith. It is my life and my faith. I cannot just accept it and do it the same way as everyone else.
So, I am putting this out there. I give you guys the right to hold me accountable and tell me when I am talking too much. It might hurt my feelings a little bit but it will be for the greater good and I will remind myself of this when you tell me. I love you guys and for all my college friends: keep powering through those finals!!